Into the Darkness

That title sounds very dark. 

I've recently come to a decision to do something quite radical. Not radical as in facial tattooing, or travelling around the world in a combi with my cats. Something far scarier.

About 4 months ago I cracked it. After an intense day at work, I returned home to find my house resembled something akin to a crime scene. There were clothes everywhere, broken objects, cups and plates overflowing on every available surface, including the ground. There were random branches and plant parts scattered about, the doors wide open, curtains billowing in the breeze. 

My children were also scattered about, although completely whole and on their various devices. Mr 12 was on the Xbox playing the dreaded Fortnight. Mr 10 was on his iPod. Miss 8 was on her iPad....

... And the dog was sitting happily in a next of twigs, shoes, dirty socks and cushions in the middle of it all. She was looking pretty fucking pleased with herself.

In the centre of the mess sat the actual cause of this particular disaster. Our one year old Border Collie who, being ignored by Mr 12, Mr 10 and Miss 8, found herself having to make her own fun indoors. There were some shoes that never recovered from that afternoon of 'fun' and multiple socks were forever separated from their partners.

I'm not blaming the dog here, by any means. We know that when a young dog is bored and energetic that they'll create their own entertainment. Neither does the blame rest with my three kids, who were so attached to their devices that they did not notice the raging tornado of joyous activity around them. There was only one person to blame, and that person was me. I gathered the kids together and gently discussed the dangers of overuse of technology and how the dog can’t be inside unsupervised.

Lol! Just kidding.

I cracked it. The kids lost every device they owned for a week.

My kids were well and truly obsessed with their devices. I use the word 'obsessed' because the other word - 'addicted' is very uncomfortable, yet both are true. For two days, my kids whined and picked fights with each other. They cried, dobbed relentlessly on each other, whined for their devices back. TWO DAYS. 48 hours. Ugh.

By day 3 they started playing together. Even Mr 12 who was usually too cool to 'play'. For the rest of the week my three children invented games, sat in each other's rooms and played with their stuff. They walked the dog, drew pictures, they did their jobs, they even did their HOMEWORK.

Why did we go back to the way things were then? Quite simply, when we have access to the things we're addicted to, we will probably slip. In this case, the kids knew it was only a matter of a week's technology ban so once their time was up, we settled back into our old patterns. 

My mother recently alerted me to a talk on ABC Conversations with Richard Fidler and social researcher David Gillespie. (link - https://www.abc.net.au/radio/programs/conversations/david-gillespie-2019/10986686?fbclid=IwAR3PRhv3_pe0tx6jkvg570FRY_we5CHttvQPJ65rZzfAUeP5lqryJnhdQvA )

Mr Gillespie explained the functions of the teenage brain and why screen addiction is such a huge risk to this age group. The chat goes for 45 minutes and is well worth listening to. 

Looking at Mr 12, sitting on his Xbox obsessively bouncing between online gaming, YouTube videos about online gaming and back to Xbox in all of his spare time, I cracked it again. 

There has been a deepening anxiety in me about the amount of access my kids have to screens, and how difficult it is to moderate their access. Two full time working parents, ready availability of both internet and devices, a mixture of exhaustion and avoidance of daily drama and we have three kids who have a problem with overuse of technology.  

This time, however I took the calmer and more considered route that I missed last time.

I decided to remove ALL devices from the house. For good. 

Therein lies the radical and terrifying nature of what we've decided. 

Don't get me wrong, I've already negotiated a less extreme version. I'm by no means successful yet. My husband felt my version was too extreme.

We have agreed on some new rules:

• Kids have access to their devices between 4 and 5pm only.
• If they miss this time, they do not get to make it up.
• Their devices must always be used in the lounge room or other family areas, never in bedrooms.
• If we find anyone arguing about or sneaking their use of devices, my version of the ban kicks in and I pack up all the devices for good.

We were explicit with the kids about what is happening in their brains when they get obsessed with devices. We talked about addictions and how that affects people's bodies and brains. We talked about why we've made these new rules.

The kids have one month to convince me that they can stick to the 1 hour rule. Any broken rules result in my version kicking off and everyone loses their devices for good. We go full Luddite.

I expect that I will inevitably pack everything up. Mr Gillespie says that this way is like giving an alcoholic an hour's access to alcohol. Sounds stupid to say it out aloud. So I'm testing that theory too. For interest's sake, this grand experiment of our is being blogged. It sounds so silly to even be at this point. I think most families have managed to work out their own systems for their kids' use of devices, but somehow it's gotten beyond our control.

Upcoming I'll share the good, the bad and the predictably ugly process or untangling our brains from our screens.

Wish us luck!

#technology #gamingaddiction #devices #kidsanddevices #techdetox #kidsandtechnology #theconversationABC